Are you ready to move in together?
So… you’re thinking about moving in together? Well, to begin, you’re not alone. According to The Center for Disease Control & Prevention, more Americans are moving in together before marriage.
And yes. We know that is an odd statistic to come from The CDC, but that’s not the point. The point is that everyone is doing it, which begs the question… should you? Well, not to quote mom and dad, but… if everyone jumped off a bridge would you do it too?
We will cover everything you need to know about moving in together—like when to move in together, how to move in together, and how to tell if it might be too soon. That way you can decide whether it is a great idea or a terrible one for you and your significant other.
In this post, we’ll discuss:
- 5 signs you might be moving in together too soon
- 6 questions to ask before moving in together
- Our additional tips on moving in together
5 Signs you might be moving in together too soon.
Let us first help you decide if you and your partner are making the right decision for your relationship. Let’s discuss a few signs that might mean the two of you are thinking about moving in together too soon.
- 1. You frequently get in arguments that you can’t seem to resolve.
Arguments in themselves are not bad. In fact, if you are never arguing in your relationship, it shows that you’re not actually communicating with each other. However, there is a difference between a good argument and a bad argument. Are you able to cool off, use the argument as a way to learn more about yourself and your partner, and then come together (after a time) afterwards? Or do you just brush it off, never really resolving the issue and letting bitterness fester?
If you and your partner often argue without ever resolving it, you may want to give yourselves time to build a healthier relationship before occupying the same place. Arguments tend to multiply when you start sharing a bathroom… a kitchen… and a living room. There is nothing wrong with the occasional argument, but frequent or hostile arguments could foreshadow the storm to come.
- 2. The bulk of your relationship has been spent long-distance.
If you and your partner haven’t spent a ton of time together, then you should slowly ease into moving in together. While this point might seem a bit rudimentary, it’s not. There are thousands of couples that have been together for an extended period of time but only see each other a few times a year due to long distance.
While it is awesome when these relationships can work out (and can represent a strong bond between a couple) moving in together can be more taxing on long-distance couples. Going from 100% of your time apart to 100% of your time together can be a shock to both parties. That’s why in these cases, we recommend you ease into moving in together versus jumping into it. We recommend starting out by living in the same city then go from there.
- 3. You’re receiving some pressure to move in together from outside your relationship.
If one or both people in a relationship feel pressured, then take a step back before making a big life decision like moving in together. Peer pressure is very real, especially as people enter into their twenties and thirties. When your friends are getting married and settling down, it can pressure you into following in their footsteps.
People can wind up in serious commitments (hello, year-long leases!) with the wrong people because they think it is what they should versus what they want to do. Anytime you are moving in with someone, you and your partner should be certain it’s what you 100% want to do.
- 4. You think moving in together will fix your struggling relationship.
If you are trying to fix problems in your relationship by moving in together, you should consider a relationship therapist instead —they are cheaper and more effective. In all seriousness, there are a lot of people moving in together in hopes to fix problems in their relationship. And, 9 out of 10 times it does nothing of the sort. If anything, it only makes matters worse.
When you are moving in together, your relationship should be as healthy as it has ever been. Think of it as a foundation. You would never attempt to build a skyscraper on a broken foundation. So, don’t try to build a future on a broken relationship.
- 5. Something just doesn’t feel right.
Believe it or not, there are 100 million neurons in your stomach. So, there is quite a bit of truth behind the age-old saying, “trust your gut.” The bottom line, if it feels too soon, then it probably is too soon. Many people have a hard time trusting their instincts and as a result, it makes life harder than it has to be. If it feels too soon to be moving in together, don’t force it. You have all the time in the world.
Still ready to make the move?
By now, you’ve determined whether it is the right time for you to be moving in together with your partner. And, if you are ready to move in together, we encourage you to keep reading. Because in the rest of this post we will be sharing with you insight on how to make this moving in together process much more comfortable.
6 Questions to Ask Before Moving In Together
To make moving in together comfortable, you have to be willing to have uncomfortable conversations. Many couples are so excited about moving in together, that they never sit down and talk about some very big and important questions. Below, you will find 6 things to discuss before moving in together.
- 1. How will we be paying for rent, utilities, groceries, and expenses?
Money is a serious subject and one you should always discuss before moving in together. Before signing an apartment lease, you and your partner should know who will be paying for what and how all you will divvy up expenses. For example, let’s say one person is eating more of the groceries or taking longer showers, should they be paying more for their share? You two also need to figure out how you will divide up surprise expenses… what happens if someone’s car needs work done? While these may seem minor, they can have a tremendous impact on the course of a relationship post move.
- 2. If for some reason the two of you break up… who will be moving out? And, who will be keeping the dog?
Perhaps the least fun topic on this list of things to discuss before moving in together, but it’s something you must address. Couples go their separate ways all the time. If the two of your discover that moving in together was a bad decision, what is Plan B? Somebody has to move out and somebody gets to keep the dog (or cat or hamster or fish).
- 3. How will you two maintain the spark in your relationship after moving in together?
When relationships are new and exciting, there is no need to maintain the spark… the spark is already there… hotter than a firecracker on the 4th of July. After moving in together, the spark can start burning low, which is natural but does mean the two of you need to make more of an effort to keep things exciting. Choose certain nights to be date nights. Plan fun day trips. Or sign up for a mean subscription so you can make dinner together a couple nights a week. It’s necessary to make this a point of discussion because it is easy to get in the habit of chilling on the couch while the two of you doze off to Netflix.
- 4. How will you set boundaries and respect one another’s privacy?
One of the most difficult aspects of moving in together with your partner is going from tons of privacy to next-to-no privacy at all. This is why it is so important for you two to set boundaries with one another. These boundaries will vary depending on the relationship, but regardless, it should be a point of discussion.
- 5. How will you share responsibilities?
As you already know, there is a lot to do around a house or apartment in regards to responsibilities. Doing laundry. Washing dishes. Drying dishes. Cleaning the bathroom. Making the bed. Vacuuming the floors. Taking out the trash. Before moving in together, you and your partner should talk about how responsibilities will split.
- 6. How will you work through problems in your relationship as they come up?
While this one may sound a bit odd, think about it for a moment. Before moving in together, you and your partner had a specific way of working through disagreements. Maybe you met up and talked about it. Maybe you hopped on a phone call. Perhaps you didn’t talk for a couple of days. When you live with someone, it is important to know how you are going to work through disagreements in your relationship. After all, ignoring your significant other isn’t an option (you live with them).
While no matter how strong your relationship, moving in together can be a bit intimidating. And, it should be, it’s a very big step in a couple’s relationship. With that said, big steps don’t always mean bad ones. As long as you are confident in your relationship and your partner, living with someone you love can be an amazing journey. Be sure to talk first and lay down a few ground rules. Being logical and organized will go a long way.